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I Close My Eyes

by Teresa Toro

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Written for the Bushwick Book Club in 2018, I Close My Eyes was inspired by Mira Jacob's novel The Sleepwalker's Guide to Dancing. I didn't want to sum up the plot; I wanted to explore the emotional aftermath of a traumatic event, the relentless grinding of remorse and guilt -- and how it feels to live with a ghost.

* * * *


I close my eyes I’m in the twilight yard
Soft applause of the night winds
For the crickets singing
I feel my shadow move do a slow dance
We unremember we fade the past
Following and leading

I close my eyes
But you’re not there
You’re nowhere
Lost in time
My heart my mind
You know why
I close my eyes

We try to bury what tries to leave us
Stars are streaking through the blackened sky
Shining on our secrets
Forgetting you is what makes me afraid
The days have all become one long day
And all the nights all the nights are yours

When I lay me down to sleep
Whose soul is it that I’ll redeem
I count my ghosts I count mistakes
In every dream and when awake
There’s no escaping from the past
Or your face I see it first and last
When I close my eyes
When I close my eyes

I close my eyes
But you’re not there
You’re nowhere
Lost in time
My heart my mind
You know why
I close my eyes


released April 23, 2019
* * * *

Teresa Toro: vocals
Charlie Nieland: vocals, guitar, bass, drums, piano
Patricia Santos: cello

Music and lyrics by Teresa Toro
Instrumental bridge written and arranged by Charlie Nieland
Cello improvisation by Patricia Santos

Produced, engineered & mastered by Charlie Nieland
Saturation Point, Brooklyn NY

Original art by Jorge Silva

Patricia Santos

Mira Jacob

Special thanks to Susan Hwang and the Bushwick Book Club


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Teresa Toro Brooklyn, New York

A late-blooming songwriter, Teresa tries on different characters and channels their stories of love, regret, and existential indecision – sometimes in the same verse. Teresa is also a regular performer with The Bushwick Book Club, a Brooklyn-based performance series. ... more

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